1
00:00:45,520 --> 00:00:46,760
like the weary dove.

2
00:00:47,440 --> 00:00:49,540
When, oh, when will I find love?

3
00:00:50,220 --> 00:00:54,360
I cannot wait another hour for you to
pluck my tender flower.

4
00:00:55,460 --> 00:00:56,510
Was that okay?

5
00:00:58,780 --> 00:01:00,080
25 years.

6
00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,180
Yes, Dave, you said.

7
00:01:02,580 --> 00:01:08,019
Tomorrow, Sunday, April 24th, it will be
25 years since we pulled on our itchy

8
00:01:08,020 --> 00:01:11,510
blue trousers and joined the force. And
what have we got to show for it?

9
00:01:11,620 --> 00:01:13,200
Nothing. Exactly.

10
00:01:14,040 --> 00:01:15,090
It's the place.

11
00:01:15,140 --> 00:01:16,620
Vice versa, club.

12
00:01:17,220 --> 00:01:18,270
Transvestites only.

13
00:01:18,560 --> 00:01:20,340
Eat, drink and be merry.

14
00:01:25,340 --> 00:01:26,390
Are you sure?

15
00:01:26,680 --> 00:01:27,800
Of course I'm sure.

16
00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,940
25 years and it's come to this.

17
00:01:31,380 --> 00:01:32,460
Oh, God.

18
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,380
I had me dreams, me ambitions.

19
00:01:35,820 --> 00:01:36,920
You had your hair.

20
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:41,380
First time you put your helmet on, you
looked like a salt shaker.

21
00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:46,020
Do you remember the initiation ceremony?

22
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:48,320
Wouldn't like to go through that again.

23
00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:50,440
Not with them new sidearm trenches.

24
00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:54,130
My jury wouldn't let blokes like us in
nowadays.

25
00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:57,490
It's not enough to be over five foot and
free of rickets.

26
00:01:57,491 --> 00:02:02,799
Do you reckon we wouldn't get in if we
tried to join today?

27
00:02:02,800 --> 00:02:04,720
It's one of those questions, isn't it?

28
00:02:04,980 --> 00:02:06,260
How long's a yard of ale?

29
00:02:06,980 --> 00:02:08,259
Nobody cares, of course.

30
00:02:08,620 --> 00:02:09,880
What do you want, a medal?

31
00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,579
I think there should be a better way to
mark your 25th anniversary than being

32
00:02:14,580 --> 00:02:17,880
forced to work undercover in a bondage
club in Soho.

33
00:02:19,860 --> 00:02:21,320
A bondage club?

34
00:02:21,920 --> 00:02:22,970
Yeah.

35
00:02:24,300 --> 00:02:25,560
Didn't you read the memo?

36
00:02:42,410 --> 00:02:45,300
You did read the super's memo about
tonight, didn't you?

37
00:02:46,050 --> 00:02:51,369
Yes. Well, I think you'll find, if you
look a little closer, that he suggested

38
00:02:51,370 --> 00:02:58,249
that for tonight's undercover assignment
we wear S andM gear, not

39
00:02:58,250 --> 00:03:00,210
M andS gear.

40
00:03:06,230 --> 00:03:09,410
Could I borrow your nipple clamp?

41
00:03:19,340 --> 00:03:21,920
Police work and marriage do not go
together.

42
00:03:23,540 --> 00:03:24,880
I mean, look at me.

43
00:03:25,260 --> 00:03:29,880
Middle -aged man sitting in a bar
dressed like John Wayne Saddleback.

44
00:03:33,380 --> 00:03:37,760
Is there a law against walking into a
bar wearing just a puncture repair kit?

45
00:03:43,040 --> 00:03:44,740
Get the beers in box.

46
00:03:45,620 --> 00:03:47,600
I've got some sorrows to drown.

47
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:50,020
And they're wearing water wings.

48
00:03:50,620 --> 00:03:52,000
Ah, mate, time again.

49
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:54,040
Oh, you got any nuts?

50
00:03:59,520 --> 00:04:00,570
Here.

51
00:04:07,820 --> 00:04:09,060
You can have me uniform.

52
00:04:11,660 --> 00:04:12,710
Think about it.

53
00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,640
In 12 hours' time, we could be free.

54
00:04:15,960 --> 00:04:17,980
free to rejoin the human race.

55
00:04:19,831 --> 00:04:21,778
Evening, sir.

56
00:04:21,779 --> 00:04:22,829
Thanks.

57
00:04:24,980 --> 00:04:26,030
Lou?

58
00:04:26,760 --> 00:04:29,020
Sorry, sir, it was a typing error.

59
00:04:29,021 --> 00:04:32,259
What's the matter with you two tonight,
anyway?

60
00:04:32,260 --> 00:04:33,440
You seem a bit down.

61
00:04:33,740 --> 00:04:35,140
No, it's nothing, sir.

62
00:04:36,720 --> 00:04:40,959
It's just that him and me, we've been in
service longer than the Britannia, and

63
00:04:40,960 --> 00:04:42,010
no one's noticed.

64
00:04:42,011 --> 00:04:44,879
I think that's something we should
celebrate, don't you?

65
00:04:44,880 --> 00:04:45,930
Nodder?

66
00:04:46,120 --> 00:04:49,040
Got any champagne on ice? I think that
can be arranged.

67
00:04:50,500 --> 00:04:51,550
No, sir!

68
00:04:52,060 --> 00:04:53,440
Congratulations, lads.

69
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:57,600
25 years on the force and you're still
as useless as the day you started.

70
00:04:59,140 --> 00:05:00,190
Celebration time!

71
00:05:45,130 --> 00:05:46,250
is like a weary dove.

72
00:05:47,170 --> 00:05:49,870
When, oh, when will I find your love?

73
00:05:51,690 --> 00:05:53,130
No wonder she shot him, sir.

74
00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:57,590
Forensics say the murder took place at
around 11 last night.

75
00:05:58,170 --> 00:06:01,190
The desk sergeant tried to call you.
Yes, sir, I was out.

76
00:06:02,190 --> 00:06:03,250
Oh, yes.

77
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,970
Vixen knew his farewell party.

78
00:06:06,250 --> 00:06:07,300
Yes, sir.

79
00:06:07,690 --> 00:06:09,550
You did tell them, didn't you, Frank?

80
00:06:09,750 --> 00:06:10,830
I'll deal with it, sir.

81
00:06:11,370 --> 00:06:15,689
Anyway. If you read the file, you'll see
the M .O. for last night's murder is

82
00:06:15,690 --> 00:06:16,890
the same as the other two.

83
00:06:17,070 --> 00:06:21,569
All three victims were male in their
forties. And she only picks out those

84
00:06:21,570 --> 00:06:22,830
that are written as poems.

85
00:06:25,310 --> 00:06:26,360
What's this?

86
00:06:26,770 --> 00:06:30,130
We found the same record playing at the
scene of all three murders.

87
00:06:30,870 --> 00:06:31,920
Sea of love.

88
00:06:32,390 --> 00:06:34,190
Except for last night she slipped up.

89
00:06:34,350 --> 00:06:36,150
She left a fingerprint on the record.

90
00:06:37,050 --> 00:06:38,770
Anything turn up on the computer?

91
00:06:38,990 --> 00:06:40,040
Nothing.

92
00:06:42,830 --> 00:06:43,910
Is this serious, sir?

93
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,790
Oh, just a little scam that Hopkins came
up with.

94
00:06:47,010 --> 00:06:49,180
Hopkins? As a new man of tactical
planning.

95
00:06:49,181 --> 00:06:52,349
And you want to get fingerprints from
everybody who responds to the ad.

96
00:06:52,350 --> 00:06:53,400
Clever, eh, Frank?

97
00:06:53,510 --> 00:06:54,560
Yes.

98
00:06:55,450 --> 00:06:56,500
Clever old Hopkins.

99
00:06:57,030 --> 00:07:00,870
Oh, and Frank, you won't neglect your
other little duty, will you? Sir?

100
00:07:01,570 --> 00:07:02,620
Briggs and Louis.

101
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:05,060
It's funny.

102
00:07:05,790 --> 00:07:07,960
I've always looked forward to this
moment.

103
00:07:08,590 --> 00:07:12,630
And now that he's here... There's no
room for men like them in the modern

104
00:07:13,050 --> 00:07:14,670
They've had their 25 years.

105
00:07:15,050 --> 00:07:16,100
I know, I know.

106
00:07:16,450 --> 00:07:18,250
Just give it to them straight, Frank.

107
00:07:21,910 --> 00:07:22,960
I'll tell you what.

108
00:07:23,550 --> 00:07:26,810
That new sidearm truncheon's not as bad
as I thought it would be.

109
00:07:27,030 --> 00:07:28,080
Keep wondering.

110
00:07:29,490 --> 00:07:30,810
But it's not as wide.

111
00:07:33,190 --> 00:07:35,870
Yes, Bob, it's good to know you've got
me.

112
00:07:36,910 --> 00:07:37,960
Real mate.

113
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:43,539
If you can truly say that you have got
one friend in this world, you are rich

114
00:07:43,540 --> 00:07:44,590
indeed.

115
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:46,160
And we've got hundreds of them.

116
00:07:46,460 --> 00:07:48,920
All of them out there. All proper mates.

117
00:07:48,921 --> 00:07:51,939
Did you manage to get your underpants
off in the end?

118
00:07:51,940 --> 00:07:54,860
Bit of cotton wool and some lighter
fluid.

119
00:07:55,440 --> 00:07:56,490
Super glue.

120
00:07:59,080 --> 00:08:00,130
Yeah.

121
00:08:00,980 --> 00:08:04,020
Mates. Good, proper mates.

122
00:08:04,780 --> 00:08:06,980
Best blooming bobbies in Britain.

123
00:08:09,770 --> 00:08:13,789
Sir, I would just like to say on behalf
of my colleague and myself that we are

124
00:08:13,790 --> 00:08:18,609
extremely grateful for the kind and
touching gesture with which you so

125
00:08:18,610 --> 00:08:21,920
and graciously marked the passing of our
momentous anniversary.

126
00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:27,510
I'm smiling now, sir, but when I got
home, a little tear, Bob.

127
00:08:28,030 --> 00:08:33,909
I'm not normally emotional, but if I had
children, I'd probably call them sir.

128
00:08:37,809 --> 00:08:38,859
After you, sir.

129
00:08:40,299 --> 00:08:41,349
Thank you, Lee.

130
00:08:42,419 --> 00:08:45,680
Did you manage to get your underpants
off in the end?

131
00:08:46,320 --> 00:08:47,560
Cotton wool balls, sir.

132
00:08:48,680 --> 00:08:49,730
Yes.

133
00:08:49,860 --> 00:08:52,480
Good. On with another 25 years, sir.

134
00:08:52,481 --> 00:08:54,979
I suppose you've got a little assignment
for us.

135
00:08:54,980 --> 00:08:56,030
Not as such.

136
00:08:56,031 --> 00:08:58,519
Look, I suppose I'd better get straight
to the point.

137
00:08:58,520 --> 00:09:01,050
The point, sir? Yes, straight in. No
messing about.

138
00:09:01,820 --> 00:09:03,870
You've both been with the force 25
years.

139
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,900
25 glorious years. As I said, you've
been with us for 25 years.

140
00:09:11,560 --> 00:09:14,340
Have either of you ever seen the film
Born Free?

141
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:17,490
Born Free, sir?

142
00:09:18,520 --> 00:09:19,720
I'm not making this easy.

143
00:09:19,980 --> 00:09:21,030
Sorry, sir?

144
00:09:21,080 --> 00:09:22,660
Nothing. Where was I?

145
00:09:22,940 --> 00:09:26,820
You were talking about Born Free, sir?
Yes, Born Free. Now, as you may

146
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:33,819
if you've seen the film Born Free, after
a while, the two lions, Bob and Dave...

147
00:09:33,820 --> 00:09:39,920
The two lions are released to the wild.

148
00:09:41,470 --> 00:09:42,520
Set free.

149
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:49,210
Have you seen this film recently, sir,
and it's made a big impression on you?

150
00:09:49,290 --> 00:09:50,430
You see, they have to go.

151
00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:55,220
The two lions have spent a certain
amount of time in the police force.

152
00:09:56,410 --> 00:10:01,530
But after a while, and as much as it may
hurt me, the two lions have to shoo.

153
00:10:01,690 --> 00:10:03,430
It's shoo lion.

154
00:10:05,690 --> 00:10:06,740
Do you understand?

155
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,130
Understand what, sir?

156
00:10:08,460 --> 00:10:11,530
The two lions are released to the wild
to fend for themselves.

157
00:10:12,260 --> 00:10:13,320
It's nature, you see.

158
00:10:14,420 --> 00:10:15,470
Oh, right.

159
00:10:16,080 --> 00:10:17,130
Good.

160
00:10:17,460 --> 00:10:19,630
Survival of the fittest, law of the
jungle.

161
00:10:19,720 --> 00:10:23,270
These people are graduates. It's a whole
new breed out there. Dog eat dog.

162
00:10:24,320 --> 00:10:26,420
People like you and me.

163
00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:29,140
We're dinosaurs.

164
00:10:29,141 --> 00:10:34,319
Is there something connected with
animals you want us to deal with?

165
00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:38,120
Would I be a million miles away if I
get...

166
00:10:38,510 --> 00:10:40,800
That this was some sort of zoo -based
project.

167
00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:42,550
We'll do anything if you ask, sir.

168
00:10:42,770 --> 00:10:43,850
I'll be out in a minute.

169
00:10:46,490 --> 00:10:48,030
You mean what, Frank?

170
00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:54,470
We've got a serial killer on the loose,
and you choose these two.

171
00:10:54,910 --> 00:11:00,530
They've been working here 25 years
already, and I haven't noticed.

172
00:11:00,790 --> 00:11:02,990
They know nothing about the case itself.

173
00:11:03,230 --> 00:11:04,310
For that I can believe.

174
00:11:04,490 --> 00:11:06,150
I'm just using them as bait.

175
00:11:06,560 --> 00:11:10,280
As soon as the Lonely Hearts case is
wrapped up, I'll fire them, sir. I

176
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:16,350
Will this be okay? That's fine, thank
you.

177
00:11:21,620 --> 00:11:22,670
Nice place.

178
00:11:22,760 --> 00:11:25,110
Have you ever thought about restaurant
work?

179
00:11:25,560 --> 00:11:26,610
No,

180
00:11:26,780 --> 00:11:31,059
sir. Okay, now this is a very simple
job. Tonight, one of you has to pretend

181
00:11:31,060 --> 00:11:34,819
be a waiter, and the other one has to
sit here and talk to a succession of

182
00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:35,870
single women.

183
00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:40,540
you can take it in turns.

184
00:11:44,640 --> 00:11:45,690
Right then, sir.

185
00:11:46,060 --> 00:11:47,110
What's the plot?

186
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:48,370
Never you mind.

187
00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:51,890
All you have to do is get fingerprints
off of all the women who join you.

188
00:11:52,380 --> 00:11:53,760
Get them to touch something.

189
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:59,400
Touch something, sir.

190
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:02,970
You know, women.

191
00:12:05,800 --> 00:12:09,590
Good thing, sir, that you meant...
That's part of our bodies.

192
00:12:11,670 --> 00:12:13,810
All we need is hard evidence.

193
00:12:17,350 --> 00:12:19,400
Just get the women to pick up a wine
glass.

194
00:12:19,401 --> 00:12:23,009
And as soon as they do, whichever one of
you is playing the waiter collects the

195
00:12:23,010 --> 00:12:27,370
glass, takes it back to the kitchen,
puts it in a bag and seals it for

196
00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:30,110
Now, do you think you can manage that?

197
00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:33,420
Oh, Hopkins.

198
00:12:33,770 --> 00:12:38,110
What are you doing here? Sorry to butt
in, Frank, but I just heard. Heard what,

199
00:12:38,210 --> 00:12:41,430
Hopkins? About your choice of personnel
for my little project.

200
00:12:41,930 --> 00:12:43,310
God, it's the SWAT squad.

201
00:12:43,990 --> 00:12:47,570
Oh, pimples and A -levels. It's good of
you to show an interest, Hopkins.

202
00:12:47,790 --> 00:12:51,549
Oh, you know how it is, Frank. I like to
make sure my little baby is in safe

203
00:12:51,550 --> 00:12:52,600
hands.

204
00:12:52,601 --> 00:12:54,969
Have you given these two the bullet yet?

205
00:12:54,970 --> 00:12:57,930
Hopkins, the bullet found at the scene
is what I meant.

206
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,550
What bullet is he talking about, sir?

207
00:13:02,070 --> 00:13:03,120
The bullet.

208
00:13:03,310 --> 00:13:04,360
That was fired.

209
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:12,430
I haven't told Briggs and Louis anything
about the case yet.

210
00:13:12,850 --> 00:13:13,910
Good, good.

211
00:13:14,330 --> 00:13:15,410
Let's keep it that way.

212
00:13:16,830 --> 00:13:17,880
So happens.

213
00:13:17,881 --> 00:13:21,289
You're happy that Briggs and Louis are
involved?

214
00:13:21,290 --> 00:13:25,329
Well, I'm sure you experienced officers
will have noticed this already, but I

215
00:13:25,330 --> 00:13:26,380
was just thinking.

216
00:13:26,570 --> 00:13:30,770
All the victims were in their late
forties. Probably sad.

217
00:13:31,510 --> 00:13:35,610
Lonely, middle -aged men, incapable of
forming a lasting relationship.

218
00:13:35,910 --> 00:13:42,109
Harkins, what point are you making?
Well, Frank, I was just thinking, your

219
00:13:42,110 --> 00:13:46,390
choice of operatives is absolutely
inspired.

220
00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:51,320
Table, sir?

221
00:13:52,070 --> 00:13:57,650
Is this table acceptable, sir?

222
00:13:58,690 --> 00:14:00,070
Bit near the car, eh?

223
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,190
That would be a bondage in this
restaurant, sir. Not so far to run.

224
00:14:06,520 --> 00:14:07,570
I'm still a bit dirty.

225
00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:09,290
Oh, yes.

226
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,100
A bit of stale gravy.

227
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,080
Now, would sir like a cocktail or a
punch in the face?

228
00:14:18,100 --> 00:14:19,150
Bang, there was a tip.

229
00:14:19,300 --> 00:14:20,350
Oh.

230
00:14:23,560 --> 00:14:24,610
Restaurant's great.

231
00:14:24,860 --> 00:14:28,800
Service is... not very good.

232
00:14:30,990 --> 00:14:32,510
Use a shout if you need me.

233
00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:37,880
Well,

234
00:14:44,450 --> 00:14:48,730
of course, as they say, fresh wine comes
in old bottles.

235
00:14:48,950 --> 00:14:50,430
White, fresh booty.

236
00:14:50,650 --> 00:14:54,090
Madame, red old with a big nose.

237
00:15:01,260 --> 00:15:03,060
That will be all. Thank you, Giuseppe.

238
00:15:03,500 --> 00:15:07,180
Just a minute.

239
00:15:09,760 --> 00:15:10,810
Yes, sir?

240
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:12,570
Nothing.

241
00:15:17,260 --> 00:15:19,480
Perhaps we should raise a toast to us.

242
00:15:21,200 --> 00:15:22,300
Are you all right?

243
00:15:26,720 --> 00:15:28,640
God, she'll think he's got TV.

244
00:15:30,000 --> 00:15:31,050
I loved your poem.

245
00:15:31,420 --> 00:15:33,240
Poem? How did it go?

246
00:15:33,740 --> 00:15:36,320
My heart is like a red, red rose.

247
00:15:36,840 --> 00:15:38,920
Unfortunately, so is his nose.

248
00:15:39,480 --> 00:15:40,530
I haven't finished.

249
00:15:41,460 --> 00:15:42,800
My word, I've got the time.

250
00:15:43,460 --> 00:15:44,560
Go on, on your bike.

251
00:15:52,040 --> 00:15:53,090
Come on.

252
00:15:53,091 --> 00:15:54,959
You haven't touched your drink.

253
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,010
Oh, I'm sorry.

254
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:57,540
I don't drink alcohol.

255
00:16:01,681 --> 00:16:03,649
Such as?

256
00:16:03,650 --> 00:16:04,870
Being thick in taxes.

257
00:16:09,330 --> 00:16:10,610
Better stick to water.

258
00:16:16,870 --> 00:16:20,630
Use your water.

259
00:16:21,310 --> 00:16:22,360
How did you know?

260
00:16:22,590 --> 00:16:23,640
I'm psychic.

261
00:16:26,450 --> 00:16:28,070
There's something in this glass.

262
00:16:28,071 --> 00:16:31,829
You're right. What a dreadful restaurant
this is. I'd go somewhere else if I

263
00:16:31,830 --> 00:16:32,599
were you.

264
00:16:32,600 --> 00:16:33,299
Go on.

265
00:16:33,300 --> 00:16:34,350
Shoot.

266
00:17:05,911 --> 00:17:07,959
you drink.

267
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,520
I don't like men who drink.

268
00:17:10,720 --> 00:17:11,770
Nor do I.

269
00:17:11,771 --> 00:17:16,899
Here, let's have a drinking contest.
Down in one, empty glass on top of your

270
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:17,950
head.

271
00:17:18,720 --> 00:17:21,180
Do you know, I really don't think you're
my type.

272
00:17:21,940 --> 00:17:25,680
Well, I am clumsy.

273
00:17:27,180 --> 00:17:30,260
Thank you. You're not a pretty sight
when you're drunk.

274
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:32,910
Well, you're not a pretty sight when I'm
sober.

275
00:17:46,890 --> 00:17:50,020
What happened to that lobster that was
dangling off your bum?

276
00:17:50,590 --> 00:17:51,770
We got engaged.

277
00:17:54,030 --> 00:17:55,080
Here he comes.

278
00:17:55,250 --> 00:17:58,770
You know, you two have surprised me this
evening.

279
00:17:59,410 --> 00:18:03,409
I mean, it hasn't been an intellectually
challenging exercise, but you have

280
00:18:03,410 --> 00:18:06,240
carried out your simple task with
relative efficiency.

281
00:18:06,830 --> 00:18:07,880
Dave?

282
00:18:07,881 --> 00:18:09,429
Yes, Bob?

283
00:18:09,430 --> 00:18:13,210
Do you have any idea what Bamba
Pontyface Gascoigne's talking about?

284
00:18:13,630 --> 00:18:14,680
No, Robert.

285
00:18:16,040 --> 00:18:19,420
But here is my response to whatever the
hell he was talking about.

286
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:23,700
Go on and squeeze your spots.

287
00:18:25,740 --> 00:18:26,790
Darn it, go on.

288
00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:28,970
Any more left?

289
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:30,130
Just the one.

290
00:18:30,400 --> 00:18:31,450
Yours or mine?

291
00:18:31,480 --> 00:18:32,530
Oh, I'll do it.

292
00:18:33,340 --> 00:18:34,900
So, so, so.

293
00:18:35,740 --> 00:18:37,140
You're a psychiatric nurse.

294
00:18:37,900 --> 00:18:39,220
Does that alarm you?

295
00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:40,780
Oh, not at all.

296
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,300
I have a nant who's a chiropodist.

297
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:46,160
Other end of the spectrum, of course.

298
00:18:46,420 --> 00:18:47,470
Other end of the body.

299
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:50,910
Other end of the operating table,
really, isn't it?

300
00:18:51,660 --> 00:18:53,760
Feet, head, different things.

301
00:18:54,540 --> 00:18:56,040
I could go on like this forever.

302
00:18:56,580 --> 00:19:00,280
Drink. A very Bloody Mary, please.

303
00:19:00,720 --> 00:19:01,770
Wait!

304
00:19:02,180 --> 00:19:04,900
Yep. A Bloody Mary for... Mary.

305
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:07,200
I'll have a large pint.

306
00:19:07,380 --> 00:19:08,430
A large pint.

307
00:19:08,720 --> 00:19:09,770
Yeah, you know.

308
00:19:09,860 --> 00:19:11,600
Well, it's either a pint or it isn't.

309
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:13,970
And you can't have a small pint, can
you?

310
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:18,520
Yeah, all right. Just go and get it. Off
you trot, head rogue.

311
00:19:18,521 --> 00:19:24,639
You know, it's strange. You don't look
like a man who needs to advertise for a

312
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:25,800
partner. Advertise?

313
00:19:26,060 --> 00:19:28,620
Oh, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

314
00:19:29,740 --> 00:19:31,080
No, this is a big city.

315
00:19:32,620 --> 00:19:33,880
A lonely city.

316
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:35,860
It's not easy to meet people.

317
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:40,330
You're right.

318
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:47,039
It's just sometimes in the presence of a
certain type of man, I just...

319
00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:53,380
Tell me something.

320
00:19:54,100 --> 00:19:56,020
What's your position on casual sex?

321
00:19:57,220 --> 00:20:01,340
Well, you know, depends on what you mean
by casual.

322
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:05,280
Depends on what you mean by sex.

323
00:20:07,260 --> 00:20:10,440
Everything depends on... You know.

324
00:20:12,970 --> 00:20:14,650
So you say you're a chiropractor?

325
00:20:15,490 --> 00:20:17,210
No, that's your auntie.

326
00:20:17,670 --> 00:20:18,720
Oh, yeah.

327
00:20:18,810 --> 00:20:20,070
No, I'm the head expert.

328
00:20:21,350 --> 00:20:25,889
You see, I believe in this...
...immolant, irresistible, irrational

329
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:27,890
attraction... ...like a bolt of
lightning.

330
00:20:28,370 --> 00:20:32,810
And I only feel like this... ...once in
a blue moon.

331
00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:36,270
And I just felt it, just...

332
00:20:44,669 --> 00:20:46,469
I'm sorry, you just shot on me bunion.

333
00:20:47,790 --> 00:20:49,290
I'd better go and see me auntie.

334
00:20:50,150 --> 00:20:52,690
Why don't you come and see me instead?

335
00:20:53,950 --> 00:20:59,890
I could sit out at the top and work all
the way down to the bottom.

336
00:21:05,250 --> 00:21:06,330
I didn't hear you stop.

337
00:21:06,331 --> 00:21:08,669
No, I thought I'd see your little legs.

338
00:21:08,670 --> 00:21:10,170
Their prints are all over that.

339
00:21:10,250 --> 00:21:11,550
Right, good work.

340
00:21:12,170 --> 00:21:13,220
So that's hit you?

341
00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,230
Yep. Do you fancy your last one?

342
00:21:15,870 --> 00:21:17,870
No, I'd better get off, get back home.

343
00:21:19,970 --> 00:21:21,190
Home, home, home.

344
00:21:23,250 --> 00:21:24,570
See you tomorrow then, Bob.

345
00:21:26,110 --> 00:21:27,160
Good night.

346
00:21:30,830 --> 00:21:31,880
Right.

347
00:21:31,970 --> 00:21:33,210
Come on, Briggsie.

348
00:21:34,750 --> 00:21:35,800
We're going home.

349
00:21:59,690 --> 00:22:01,190
I've come to have me bumps felt.

350
00:22:04,030 --> 00:22:05,080
Ta.

351
00:22:13,490 --> 00:22:14,730
There you go, Briggsie.

352
00:22:15,230 --> 00:22:16,550
Welcome to your new home.

353
00:22:26,070 --> 00:22:28,450
What do you say to a little...

354
00:22:29,200 --> 00:22:30,250
Music.

355
00:23:10,320 --> 00:23:11,520
What are you doing here?

356
00:23:13,780 --> 00:23:17,999
We never really finished our fascinating
conversation, so I just had to follow

357
00:23:18,000 --> 00:23:18,699
you home.

358
00:23:18,700 --> 00:23:20,420
Now get on the bed.

359
00:23:21,000 --> 00:23:22,050
Stay there.

360
00:23:22,960 --> 00:23:25,000
I'll just put on some music.

361
00:23:42,000 --> 00:23:43,050
What are you doing?

362
00:23:43,380 --> 00:23:48,679
For the first time since Alf Ramsey
pulled Bubby Charlton off and we lost to

363
00:23:48,680 --> 00:23:53,560
Germany, I am on the verge of a genuine
human -to -human sexual encounter.

364
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,820
She means it.

365
00:23:58,120 --> 00:23:59,170
Come on, Bub.

366
00:24:01,620 --> 00:24:03,100
What's the matter?

367
00:24:03,680 --> 00:24:04,730
Hear all this.

368
00:24:05,140 --> 00:24:07,370
I've never heard him make that noise
before.

369
00:24:08,540 --> 00:24:10,880
25 years ago, initiation ceremony.

370
00:24:11,420 --> 00:24:13,340
Before the days of a sidearm truncheon.

371
00:24:15,100 --> 00:24:16,150
Aha!

372
00:24:16,240 --> 00:24:17,290
Just as I thought.

373
00:24:17,291 --> 00:24:19,159
It's OK, Griggs, I'll deal with her.

374
00:24:19,160 --> 00:24:20,210
Ah! Ah!

375
00:24:20,760 --> 00:24:21,960
Who the hell are you?

376
00:24:27,751 --> 00:24:29,219
Where

377
00:24:29,220 --> 00:24:38,120
to,

378
00:24:38,180 --> 00:24:40,460
Gav? 14 Risewick Gardens. And be quick.

379
00:24:41,740 --> 00:24:42,880
Our friend's in danger.

380
00:24:44,500 --> 00:24:45,550
Bob!

381
00:24:45,560 --> 00:24:46,610
Speak to me, Bob!

382
00:24:54,440 --> 00:25:01,319
I just popped in to say well

383
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:02,370
done.

384
00:25:02,371 --> 00:25:06,839
The Lonely Hearts killer is now under
lock and key, thanks to you.

385
00:25:06,840 --> 00:25:07,890
And Louis, of course.

386
00:25:07,891 --> 00:25:13,419
Look, if it's any consolation, there is
now no question of you being forced to

387
00:25:13,420 --> 00:25:14,470
retire.

388
00:25:15,580 --> 00:25:17,990
I even put your name forward for a
commendation.

389
00:25:44,230 --> 00:25:45,280
Dave.

390
00:25:45,670 --> 00:25:46,720
Did.

391
00:25:47,570 --> 00:25:48,620
David.

392
00:25:49,510 --> 00:25:50,560
Sir.

393
00:25:51,450 --> 00:25:56,030
I just stopped by to congratulate you
on... Hello, Professor.

394
00:25:56,970 --> 00:26:01,510
Would you mind telling our beloved super
that I'm not speaking to him?

395
00:26:01,611 --> 00:26:04,789
Briggs isn't speaking to you, sir.

396
00:26:04,790 --> 00:26:07,949
And would you tell Hopkins that after
what happened, I'm not speaking to him?

397
00:26:07,950 --> 00:26:09,689
The super isn't speaking to you,
Hopkins.

398
00:26:09,690 --> 00:26:10,740
Hang on a minute.

399
00:26:11,130 --> 00:26:13,050
What happened to Louis wasn't my fault.

400
00:26:13,681 --> 00:26:15,649
Tell him that.

401
00:26:15,650 --> 00:26:17,690
I can't. I'm not speaking to him.

402
00:26:18,170 --> 00:26:22,329
And would you also tell him that if it
hadn't been for his oh -so -clever

403
00:26:22,330 --> 00:26:29,149
plan, Louis wouldn't have been... Tell
the super that I don't

404
00:26:29,150 --> 00:26:30,770
care about pimple -puss Hopkins.

405
00:26:31,050 --> 00:26:32,490
It's Bob I care about.

406
00:26:32,491 --> 00:26:35,729
He doesn't care about pimple -puss me.
It's Bob he cares about.

407
00:26:35,730 --> 00:26:40,849
My oppo went through a whole hour of
sexual depravity at the hands of a

408
00:26:40,850 --> 00:26:41,900
she -devil.

409
00:26:42,570 --> 00:26:47,409
60 minutes of physical torment involving
a vacumatic, an egg cut with legs and a

410
00:26:47,410 --> 00:26:50,780
range of dairy products, some of them
way past their survive dates.

411
00:26:52,450 --> 00:26:53,550
Yes, yes, I know.

412
00:26:53,790 --> 00:26:56,010
You spoke to him. And you spoke to me.

413
00:26:56,370 --> 00:27:00,510
What matters is that you got to Louis'
house in time. Only just.

414
00:27:01,530 --> 00:27:06,869
Another ten minutes and... The best he
could have hoped for would be a lifetime

415
00:27:06,870 --> 00:27:08,270
in customised swimwear.

416
00:27:08,570 --> 00:27:09,620
Where is he?

417
00:27:26,060 --> 00:27:27,110
You look a lot better.

418
00:27:27,460 --> 00:27:28,740
A lot better than you did.

419
00:27:29,100 --> 00:27:30,660
It's not very difficult, is it?

420
00:27:30,940 --> 00:27:33,220
Last time you saw me, I was in intensive
care.

421
00:27:33,460 --> 00:27:34,510
I suppose.

422
00:27:35,520 --> 00:27:37,870
I've never seen one of them in traction
before.

423
00:27:37,871 --> 00:27:41,559
I know it's no consolation, but I'm
putting you forward for a commendation

424
00:27:41,560 --> 00:27:44,900
bravery. It wasn't me who was brave,
sir. It was Briggsie.

425
00:27:45,160 --> 00:27:46,210
Briggs?

426
00:27:46,920 --> 00:27:47,970
Not him, sir.

427
00:27:48,220 --> 00:27:49,300
Briggsie the lobster.

428
00:27:52,060 --> 00:27:53,110
He fought her off.

429
00:27:53,400 --> 00:27:55,580
You mean your life was saved by a
lobster?

430
00:27:56,160 --> 00:27:57,240
Yes, sir. How?

431
00:27:57,440 --> 00:28:02,899
Well, she was sitting on my head and I
was trying to guess her weight when

432
00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:05,860
Briggsie climbed into bed with us.

433
00:28:06,580 --> 00:28:10,699
He nipped her on the bum and she fired
five times, shot off three legs and both

434
00:28:10,700 --> 00:28:11,750
his antennae.

435
00:28:12,000 --> 00:28:14,050
She's got no bullet left to shoot me
then.

436
00:28:14,940 --> 00:28:20,240
This time, Briggsie was really cross and
he attacked her.

437
00:28:20,640 --> 00:28:22,400
How? Show him, bub.

438
00:28:24,250 --> 00:28:25,310
Briggsie, get him.

439
00:28:29,650 --> 00:28:31,330
That's what I call nipple clasps.

440
00:28:31,380 --> 00:28:35,930
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